To Be Human

I am a human being, which I tend to lose track of sometimes.

The thing about inner journeys is how frequently you can get lost in them. How easily you can dive so deep that nothing looks familiar anymore. Because things inside us keep breaking down into smaller parts the farther you look, into membranes and particles and hormones and lost pieces of souls that may be your own and sometimes I identify with those pieces more than I do with this body.

I feel as though I am the soul that claimed this body for these experiences, and sometimes it’s hard to tell if that is creating a separation in myself or the recognition of unity. Sometimes I speak with my brain and I wonder if my soul agrees with me. Sometimes I speak with my soul and no one else understands. Sometimes living in a human being feels tedious and repetitive and narrow, sometimes it feels suffocating.

But I am learning to perceive this life as a telescope in a science lab. I am looking through something, perceiving things that I otherwise couldn’t see; couldn’t appreciate, couldn’t understand. Sometimes, I don’t even understand this telescope. These lenses. But I chose this human being, and I love this human being, and I want to understand.